Chicago Edition - Kurt Heads Out to Make an Arms Deal?

Kurt is a loyal employee with a stellar reputation for helping out whenever anyone needs anything. Whether it be with your computer, a photo shoot, client meeting, whatever! His dedication and willingness to work hard makes him an invaluable coworker... and also as a well thought of jihadist. Any man that carries two cell phones is a terrorist! I think I read that in the New Yorker. Kurt is probably heading outside with his two cell phones, one of which is probably being monitored by Homeland Security, to broker an arms deal with shady characters.

When he comes back in someone please tell him I need help getting hooked up to the printer network.

Bill Removing Art?

Bill was caught earlier today smuggling priceless art out of the meeting room upstairs.  A man with a natural artists eye; Bill managed to get out into the parking lot with the first print in a series of apathetic mugshots realistically portrayed by 417 magazine labeled important person Andy Ford.

Bill's other artistic archives include box art from Hello Kitty Online Adventure and a boon of vintage Chiquita banana stickers.

Dionne Trying to sneak food out?

Dionne is a savvy account executive who is always looking out for ways to save the company, her clients, and her family time & money. Recently, she has managed to save her family quite a bit by cutting out shopping at the grocery store and just taking food items from the third floor fridge. We love frugality Dionne, but everyone is really missing their Hazelnut creamer!

Cheryl Discovers an Easy Bake Oven and Makes a Run For it?

There's nothing better than the feeling of giving, especially when it happens around the holidays and the recipients are children in need. Unless you're Cheryl! While helping to load up gifts being donated found herself holding the one thing she had always wanted but had never received, an Easy Bake Oven. She deserved one, she always knew it was her destiny to be a master chef on an Easy Bake Oven. Her parents scoffed at her dream, and her so-called friends laughed at the concept. Cheryl knew destiny was calling at that very moment. She started shaking, quietly calmed herself, and quickly devised a plan that would bring her complete happiness. She grabbed several large bags in the lobby, started walking toward the parking lot, suddenly dropped two of the bags and ran past her car and down the street. It's rumored that she was weeping tears of joy as she sprinted north.

Unrelated: party tonight at Cheryl's, bring little plates.

Locke on His Way to Emergency Room?

Locke was on his way home after putting in a long day of work when he tripped out of the door and pulled a face-plant fail. Now he's heading to the local Emergency Room. Maybe now the company will listen to me when I suggest "nerfing" the entrance?

Cool points added for managing to get your car unlocked remotely during the fall though!

Emily Goes to MMA Training?

She looks mild mannered in her fuchsia coat, but lurking underneath is a steel-cage of pain and punishment. Emily prepares for her job as a creative by driving her thumbs into other mixed-martial arts competitor's eye sockets. She enjoys the blood, the guts, and the familial atmosphere of the octagon. After she leaves the ring today on her lunch break, she'll pick up her daughter and grab a salad from McDonald's.

Tyler Going to His Nanna's?

It's the holiday season and many associates are enjoying time with their families. Tyler is going to see his Nanna this morning, but he's not bringing holiday cheer, he's bringing his insurance packet for her to help him fill out. She's been assisting Tyler with his important paperwork since he was a wee lad, and it's a good thing because Tyler can't read.

When he returns, probably later in the week, someone read this to him. He's such a sweet boy.

Mitchell's Leaving to get a wax?

Mitchell looked like he was in a hurry to get somewhere this morning. He might have had a doctors appointment, or just running late for some volunteer work? On second thought he was probably just heading over to a local salon for some manscaping.

Good luck Mitchell...we look forward to seeing you when you return in a couple of hours.